The Big “A”

I have tossed and turned for many nights about what I am about to say. I have cried about this and currently I am chewing on a piece of Zantac as I gather the courage to say something about a matter so personal, controversial, complicated, yet simple at its very core.

Abortion. There, I said it. The Zantac has reached my stomach and right now I am feeling it help my reflux and my resolve to proceed and just let the words roll out.  This is a storm in my heart that cannot be calmed, whatever I do.

I was “mostly” pro-choice about this matter until a few years ago. I have changed my mind about this issue several times, and thought about it from different standpoints – religious, scientific, political, etc.  I permanently changed my mind when I came across of an article that talked about a woman in college who murdered her baby right after giving birth in her dorm room. I thought to myself, if she actually had an abortion several weeks before delivery, she wouldn’t have been convicted of murder. Then a question naturally followed this – well, where then lies the difference? The baby was still a baby a few weeks ago. When did it become a baby? At 8 weeks? 12 weeks? 20 weeks? Because I could not come up with a transition point for when a fetus, embryo or a ball of cells became a baby, I came up with a simple realization that it was a baby ever since a sperm and and an egg united. Yes, really, it all boils down to that. It –no, he or she — was a human being from the get go.  Would I protect a human life if I could? You bet I would, and at the core of every human being reading this right now, I know he or she would too. So, why do people make this heart wrenching choice?

The list for why people resort to abortion is long.  During an abortion, there are at least two victims–the mother and the child. The mother is forced to make a terrible decision because of cultural pressure – shame, insecurity, and fear of how a baby can change her life. Many women also equate the ability to obtain abortion with women empowerment. Women have the right to do anything with their bodies. Women have been undervalued, and at times demeaned, and mistreated for hundreds of years, and it is no wonder that we are asserting our rights. Woman empowerment is a great thing, but what complicates this unique situation is that there is another human being involved who is intimately related, albeit innately separate from its “host”.  What makes us human is our ability to care for and protect one another. If you are human and you stand for humanity, would you kill another human being?  Why is it so difficult to see the obvious–a human being growing inside its mother’s womb? It is painful to realize that society has pressured women in doing the unthinkable, and has supported a choice that always ends in guilt, regret, and more shame, no matter what the woman says.  The deed is so simple that there is no mistaking it for what it really is — taking the life of a child, a child who could not speak, who told the world he or she wanted to live only by growing bigger everyday.  There is no hiding this fact, and my heart aches terribly, not only for the child, but also for the mother who sacrificed her heart, soul, body, and her child, to do what she thought would make her more acceptable to society, or to herself, which society also dictated.

What does it mean to be a woman? What is woman empowerment? Among the multiple amazing attributes that women have, is the ability to bear a child, protect it, and raise it to be a good citizen of the world. This is our amazing power. The power to choose the more difficult choice, no matter what the terrible circumstances, which is to protect a life growing inside of us and give it the opportunity to flourish and contribute to this world.  A woman protects, nurtures, and endures because this is what we are. To endure is not to suffer. To endure is to be strong in the face of wrong, pressure, and adversity.  This is true womanhood and genuine woman empowerment.

I write this piece not to put down the victims of abortion or to make anybody feel guilty.  Your fears that drove your decision resonate with me, as I am a woman too and I am for you. I write this because of what is more important, which is what can still be changed, which is the future. While no one can change what has already happened, the death of millions of unborn children, I want to be the voice of those who don’t – the unborn, and the women who do not know their own immense power.  What a wonderful vessel you have, a womb from which the strong and magnificent men and women of this world arise.  If you are a woman reading this right now and are at a crossroad about keeping your pregnancy, please always choose life.  There will be pain with either choice, but in choosing life, you celebrate your womanhood, you stand up for humanity, and you allow the beginning of new hope, as this is innate in life and love of life. In choosing life, you stand in defiance of the mold that society has shaped for you. In choosing life, you put the life of an innocent human being before yours, a noble deed that echoes through humanity, generation after generation.

Women, let us empower ourselves in a new light. We are the leaders in this cause. Men, support our cause, and help us protect our children. Together, let us find ways to abolish stigma that drives a culture of abortion.  Let us support and uphold responsible sexual health. Let us strive for a culture that views pregnancy and delivery as a given, and not an option. Let us always fight for life that gives hope, and reject death that only ends in suffering.

Here is my youngest son’s ultrasound picture at 20 weeks and a photograph of him at three years old. Proof that he was human then and now.  Yes, kiddo, smile for the sake of humanity.  Thanks for making me a mommy and lending your boyish grin for this cause.  🙂